Wednesday, September 26, 2012

The RPG Catholic Presidential Voting Guide

Now, this isn't normally a political blog, but I can't quite pass up the opportunity to offer some guidance to my readers with the important presidential election coming up in less than two months.

Of course, there are already good guides in the Catholic blogosphere. advises Catholics to vote for Mitt Romney over Barack Obama via a flyer comparing policy stances and Brandon considers an oft-overlooked but crucial criterion for assessing party platforms, namely which party has the coolest looking webpage.

However, since, as Mark Shea and Thomas McDonald both reminds us, neither candidate (nor their respective Republican and Democratic party platform) is palatable for the Catholic voter, I hereby present two third-party/write-in candidates to consider instead.

First up, Stubbs the cat, current "mayor" of Talkeetna, Alaska:

Shea lists his qualifications:

For Republicans: He’s got the whole Palinesque charting our own course on the frontier, small government vibe.

For Dems: He’s got the whole back to nature, Obama cool vibe.

For the Religious  Right:  He is literally without sin.

Plus he has a solid track record of 15 years of government service!

In short, Stubbs appeals to all voters, except maybe for dogs.

If you don't like the idea of a cat president, another good choice, in fact, my preferred option, is the alicorn Princess Luna:

As co-ruler of the Pony Kingdom of Equestria, Luna ensured the moon followed its natural cycle with her magic. She possesses many admirable qualities that make her a good candidate: she has deafening oratorical skill that commands attention, she's fun loving, and she's good with kids. Let's check out excerpts from her New Lunar Republic platform:

Citizens of Ponyville! We have graced your tiny village with our presence, so that you might behold the real princess of the night! A creature of nightmare no longer, but instead a pony who desires your love and admiration! Together we shall change this dreadful celebration into a bright and glorious feast!

Remember this day, little ponies, for it was your last. From this moment forth, the night will last forever!

Citizens of Ponyville, you have been wise to bring this candy to me! I am pleased with your offering! So pleased, I may eat it instead of eating you!

Well, the prospect of facing eternal darkness and possibly having your backside gobbled still beats the outrageous Democratic platform that supports the HHS mandate, abortion, and same-sex marriage and the Republican platform, which errs in its libertarian economic policy.

Before I go, I should note that my buddy Nate Winchester supports the pegasus pony Fluttershy, the element of kindness, who is very persuasive:

So, my friends, this November make the right choice...

1 comment:

  1. I would gladly take Princess Luna as my president, were she not fictional, and if having a princess as president were not a contradiction in terms. Better still, I would like to be her lowly footman who debases himself on a regular basis in displays of grovelling loyalty. Also, I'd like to comb her hair.

    Nonetheless, we Catholics should remember that we can morally vote for the candidate who will do the least harm. The race is close, but it will clearly go to either Romney or Obama, and Romney is clearly the lesser of two evils. We should give him our vote and not waste it on third-party candidates in the name of principles; if we do so, the election goes to Obama, who has shown himself ready and willing to trample freedom.